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Making Decisions

Which of the spouses makes decisions? According to 1 Cor. 11:3, the responsibility of making decisions lies on the head, or the husband. However, does this mean that the husband should single-handedly make decisions regarding all issues, including those in which he is less competent than the wife? A wise leader turns to the help of specialists in areas in which he is inadequately versed. It is possible that the problem is not even in who should make decisions, but rather who is most competent in dealing with the issue at hand.

1. Who most frequently made decisions in the family in which you grew up?

2. Are you able to determine the difference between important and less important decisions? If so, what are you guided by?

3. How would you resolve a situation of deadlock when it is nevertheless necessary to make a decision?

4. How do you resolve questions regarding responsibility of upkeep of the household?

5. In which areas of family life do you have the right to make a decision without first consulting your spouse? Who suggested this right and how did you come to such a decision?

6. Do you make decisions that cause a feeling of protest or do not want to be accepted by your fiancé/spouse? What are these decisions?

7. Will you have the right to veto decisions by your fiancé/spouse? If so, what will be the basis for it and how will you come to such a decision?

The process of making decisions

You should answer one important question: will the one who is more competent in a given issue be the one to make the decision? Will you have sufficient opportunity to do so? What is the percentage of your involvement in making decisions?

Describe the process of decision-making, which, in your opinion, should exist in your marriage, specifying the percentage of your involvement and the involvement of your partner in making decisions regarding each issue. The total percentage for every decision is 100%. For example, if you think that you should be the main voice in choosing a new car and you give yourself 90%, your fiancé/spouse will be left with 10%.

DecisionsYour voice, %
1. Choice of a new car
2. Choice of a new house/apartment
3. Choice of furniture
4. Choice of clothing
5. Choice of recreational location
6. Choice of remodeling material
7. Choice of mutual friends
8. Choice of entertainment
9. Choice of church
10. Choice of books for the children
11. Choice of television program
12. Choice of the dinner menu
13. Choice of the number of children
14. Choice of the place of residence
15. The scope of the activities of the husband
16. The scope of the activities of the wife
17. Choice of how and on what to spend finances

Your preferences in decision-making

1. I am afraid to make decisions, when…

2. I am afraid when my future spouse will make a decision on…

3. I prefer to make decisions, when…

4. I prefer to have my spouse make decisions, when…

5. I want to make decisions regarding…

6. I want to have my spouse make decisions regarding…

7. I am more competent than my partner in the following matters:

8. My partner is more competent in the following matters:

What do you think about the following statements?
Since the wife is prescribed a position of subordination, then she cannot have equal rights with the husband.
If the husband performs “feminine” work, then he loses his authority as a leader.
The wife is required to take care of the household and to care after the children.
The husband and father is the head of the household.
Husband and wife should never critique each other in the presence of others.
To an extent, marriage implies a loss of individuality.
Some forms of household chores are feminine, others masculine.

Counselor's final notes

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