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Sex in Marriage

The Bible speaks of four unique purposes of the sexual activity of a person: procreation, the birth of a new being, development of the relationship, and the fulfillment of the sexual needs of spouses.

Purpose of Sex

Look at what the Word of God says about each of these purposes by reading the following biblical passages and discussing them.

1. Procreation. Read Genesis, 1:28 and Deut. 7:13-14. What words do these verses use in saying that sexual activity for the continuation of reproduction of the human race was predetermined by the plan of God?

2. Read Psalms 127:3 and 139:13–15. What understanding of the human sexuality do you obtain while reading these passages?

3. The birth of a new person and rest. Read Song of Songs, 4:10–12 and Proverbs, 5:18-19. Are you surprised by the fact that the Holy Scripture actually speaks of pleasure and the gratification of sexual desires as a blessing of God?

4. Reread Proverbs 5:18-19, remembering that the author used poetic imagery while speaking of sexual attraction, joy, and desires. In the Bible, the favorite symbol for sex is water – fountains, streams, reservoirs, wells, etc. Do you agree with Proverbs, 5:18-19 in that it calls upon the husband and wife to experience a mutual sexual satisfaction? Explain the basis for your opinion.

5. Read 1 Cor. 7:2. The Apostle Paul here points out one of the purpose of marriage. What is this purpose?

6. Relationship. Read Genesis, 2:24. How do you understand the expression “one flesh?”

What do you think about sex?

1. A popular opinion states that the most sexual organ in the human body is the brain. Do you agree with this statement? Explain in more detail.

2. What was the first question about sex that you asked your parents? How did they answer you?

3. From what source (parents, friends, books, teachers) did you first find out the main information (or rumors) about childbirth? Can you remember the feelings you experienced having learned this information?

4. While growing up, did you have a person with whom you could speak freely about matters of sex? Who was it? Why was it easy to talk about sex with this person?

5. The word sex means…

6. In marriage, sex is…

7. What is distinctive about sex in a Christian marriage?

Planning a family

1. Do you think that the time of birth and the number of children may be planned?

2. Do you consider the possibility of using contraceptives? If so, which means of contraception?

3. Read Psalms, 127:3. From your point of view, can children be a form of punishment or curse? If so, then under which circumstances?

4. How many children would you like to have in your marriage and when?

5. How would you react to the news of an unexpected pregnancy?

Female and Male Sexuality

1. “Men love with their eyes, while women – with their ears.” What does this statement tell you?

2. If you are a man, describe female sexuality and its distinction from a man’s. If you are a woman, write down what you think about male sexuality and its distinction from a female’s.

3. Read Ephes. 5:22-25. Why do you think the Holy Scripture calls men to selflessly love their wives, and the women to deeply respect and honor their husbands?

4. Read 1 Cor.7:4-5. How do you understand this teaching of the Apostle Paul? What does “for a time” mean for you? How often is it appropriate to make love (once a month, week, every day)?

5. The peak of male sexual activity usually occurs in the period of 20-35 years of age. In women, on the contrary, sexual desire reaches its peak by the age of 40. This means that very often the sexual attraction between husband and wife do not match. The wife’s refusal to intimacy painfully wounds the man and his dignity, and is perceived as an insult. Subsequently, a similar refusal of the husband to the desire of the wife is extremely upsetting to her as evidence that she is no longer loved and desired. How can spouses avoid this kind of disappointment?

6. The attractiveness of a woman is not the most important thing for a man, but plays a huge role for him as evidence that she wants to be liked by him and be an adornment of his life. Similarly, a sizeable income of a man is not the most important thing for a woman, but has important meaning as evidence that her husband is a responsible person who is capable of caring after her and the children.

If you are a woman, what would it mean to you if your husband quit his job and stopped caring about the material wellbeing of the family? If you are a man, what would it mean to you if your wife stopped caring about her appearance and stopped making an effort to preserve her appeal to you?

7. A young woman can look attractive, and can also look seductive. How would you describe the difference between one and the other?

If you agree with the statements below, check them off
a. Sexual relations are very important for a happy marriage.
b. If a woman is not in the mood, then inducing her to have sex is the same thing as raping her.
c. Intimacy between spouses should happen only when both spouses truly desire it.
d. In an ideal Christian marriage, sex exists only for childbearing.
e. Spouses should be attentive to the sexual needs of one another and agree to intimacy even if they are not in the mood.
f. The Holy Scripture teaches that women’s concern about outward beauty is displeasing to God.
g. A true Christian first takes care of the financial needs of the church, not the family.
h. Christ commanded that women have no more than two dresses.
i. There are clothes that a Christian woman cannot wear if she loves God.
j. A true Christian man can't be sexually attracted by a woman other than his wife.
k. Sexual relations are designed only for people who are in a lawful marriage.
l. If the groom or bride had sexual relations with someone in the past, they should tell each other about it.
m. If the groom or bride have or had a venereal disease in the past, they should tell each other about it.
n. Only husband can initiate a sexual intercourse. A decent woman cannot tell her husband that she wants to make love with him.
o. On Sundays, as well as Christian holidays, spouses should not be intimate.
p. Sex is a gift from God.

Counselor's final notes

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